Waking Up.

I don't write nearly as often as I should.  Let's be real.  I don't write at all anymore.  But tonight, as I lay in bed with a snoring husband and dreaming pup, I am filled with grief and heart wrenching pain.  A pain that I haven't felt in about thirteen years.  Not a pain so close to home, anyway.

Last evening, my grandmother, my Dad's mama, passed away.  I've not worked out all of the details as I am sitting three hours away while my parents, aunts, and uncles work out all of the arrangements.  I know that she fell on, I don't even know what day it is today... Saturday night? Sunday morning they took her to the hospital... vitals... low blood pressure... low oxygen... something about potassium... pneumonia...she's in good hands... Room 21-something...phone call... she's gone.  It's all a mixed up, terrible blur and I can't remember what day it is today.


I'm ripped with heart wrenching, gut pounding grief.  Is it because I didn't visit like I should? My mom always warned me of this day.  Is it cause I didn't go see her last Monday morning before we left Perry? Is it because my poor, sweet, grandpa whom she spent 68 years of her life with, 68 years!, is now sleeping in his bed, alone... without his bride? It's all of these things and I can't get it out of my head.  It's in my head and it's won't come out.  Just get out!


I have two days before it becomes really real.  Two more days where I won't have to face everyone.  Face her empty recliner.  My grandfather.  Two more days to live life as normal as possible, sans mascara, because I'm not entirely too sure when the crying will happen.  I've managed to contain it to showers, the drive to and from work, and laying in bed at night.  Maybe I could just lay in bed and wake up.


Death is a part of life.  I know.  I get it.  Science.  It happens.  But, damn if it doesn't burn your heart right through your throat and pouring out of your eyes so fast that you quickly soak a pillowcase and t-shirt.  It.  Hurts.


I have attended many funerals.  Only one has ever been as close to home.  Thirteen years ago my best friend from childhood took her own life.  My world stopped turning.  I was seventeen years old.  I don't remember anything from that week.  Everything stopped.  But, it continued.  I knew it was continuing, but I wanted to wake up.  I want to wake up.


I haven't been asked to do a eulogy.  But, as a natural writer I've been writing one in my head.  I write a lot of stuff in my head.  I've already written the majority of my best friend's maid of honor toast and I'm just dying for her boyfriend to propose so I can finally write it down without being creepy - but I digress.


Eulogy.


It would go something like this:


I wanted to share, briefly, some of my fondest memories of my grandmother.  Gran, as my brother and I called her.  I don't know why we started calling her Gran and the rest of our cousins always called her Grandma, but we did.  And she answered.  And that was that.


Every time I smell bacon cooking when I first wake up, and only when I first wake up, I am instantly transported to their spare bedroom on Ward Street.  The bedroom with the rough blanket with the frill along the bottom.  Every time I was able to sleepover, she made me breakfast.  And it was delicious.  She cooked it and would transport everything to their dining room table.  Papa would say the blessing.  To this day I still am not 100% sure what he says cause it was always so quiet, but we knew it was over when he'd clear his throat.  "We ask in Christ's name, Amen.  coughcough"


Irish Spring bar soap and VO5 shampoo. 
Hee-Haw.  Every sleepover we'd watch Hee-Haw.  On that big T.V. with the pull out power button in the spare bedroom used as a living room and there were only two recliners in there so I had to sit on the floor...


Cousins, close your eyes.  Remember that perfectly manicured front yard? Those gigantic blades of grass that seemed to grow no where in the world but in their front yard? And the flowers.  Oh my heavens, the flowers.  Perfect in every season.  And that rusty swing.  The backyard was perfect for mudpies... completely different from the front yard.  No grass at all.  Two swings under the 'porch' on either side of the table used for fish-frying.  Oh, man.  The fish fries.  And in the building out back, you could go in and be rest assured that you'd open that big yellow fridge, which recently made it's departure, and find a 'cold drink'.  It was always a cold drink, never a Coke or a pop.  And that creepy greenhouse.  I'd never go in there alone.  She could grow anything...  And if you'd go through the back door into the laundry room, right there on top of the microwave stand were the best canisters in the world.  Filled with cookies and junk not normally stored at your own house.  (They still have them.)  She had kid sized glasses and some plastic ones with sippy lids.  I'm almost positive that those glasses had the Smurfs or The California Raisins or whatever set McDonald's was pawning off on people.  And the rotary phone in the hallway.  And the black and white stuffed dog that my boys still play with today.  Remember the fireplace heater before they closed it in?


She's always looked the exact same.  Since as far back as I can remember.  She's always been petite, and happy, and with perfectly curled gray hair... I remember a woman coming over to do her hair and that smell.  Now, I would assume it was the processors or chemicals.  And they rinsed it in the kitchen sink.


When I was about 16 or 17, my job was to clean their house every other weekend.  I vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms, and changed the sheets and she would pay me $20.  I was terrible at it.  But, she paid me anyway, and likely went behind me as soon as I pulled out of the driveway.  And as soon as I got into town, I'd spend it.  On a poster, or a C.D., or junk food.  I've never been good at saving money.  Sorry, honey.


Around that same age, maybe younger, I decided that it would be fun to sew pillows for people as gifts.  Again, I was terrible at it.  She would always 'help' me and eventually just complete the project for me while telling me that I had done a good job.


The stuffing during Thanksgiving and the assortment of cookies at Christmastime.


Politically, we were worlds apart.  I think that has to do with the 'generation gap' people are always talking about.  But, she was good.  Genuinely good.  She loved us.  Every time we would leave, 'y'all come back and see us.'  And she loved my boys.  She was always so, so, so happy to see them when we'd visit.  Always asking Harper questions about his cars or laughing at Colsen trying to run or talk.  And she'd shuffle into the kitchen and sneak Harper chocolate covered raisins without asking first if it was okay.  Which he loved.  Always a grandmother.


Thank you for building your family.  For staying home with James, Floriece, and my Daddy.  For raising them to be good.  For ultimately giving me life, and my boys life.  For passing the torch and continuing a legacy... building generations.  And loving.  Thank you for demonstrating a true love story.  68 years.  I can't even begin to imagine, as I drudge my way through my seventh year.  Your light will not be extinguished.  Your love will continue forever.  Thank you for loving us.  You're a part of me.  You're a part of all of us.

Christmas Traditions

Sure.

It's been awhile since I posted. 

I'm here to document the 'traditions' we are going to attempt putting in place as our 'first time at home for Christmas' draws near.

Things we've always done:
1) Watch the 25 Days of Christmas all December long. 

2) Getting two children presents from the giving tree at Publix around the same age as Harper and Colsen. 

3) Getting each family member an ornament with the year written on it - or writing it on myself.  (We have an ornament that says "Our First Christmas Together - 2005)

Things we've done (or are going to do) this year, for the first time, and want to continue every year:
4) Christmas books, wrapped and under the tree, to unwrap every couple of days when there is a good report from school.

5) Adopting a needy family and delivering gifts and food.

6) Opening new jammies on Christmas Eve.

7) Decorating Gingerbread Men on Christmas Eve Day

8) Baking cookies for Santa.

9) Watching the Polar Express on Christmas Eve Night, drinking Hot Cocoa and sampling cookies made for Santa.

10) Sprinkle reindeer food across the front lawn.

11) Leave out cookies and milk for Santa.

12) Read 'Twas the Night before Christmas at bedtime.

13) Breakfast for dinner on Christmas Eve.  Pancakes, pig in blankets, eggs, bacon, and grits.

14) Cinnamon Rolls or Donuts for breakfast Christmas morning.

15) Chinese or Waffle House for dinner on Christmas Day.

16) Riding around in PJs to look at Christmas lights.


Something I read on one of my blogs that I would like to try and incorporate next year has to do with gift giving for the kiddos:

-Something to wear.
-Something to read.
-Something they want.
-Something they need.

Reminds me of the Something Borrowed, Something Blue in a wedding.  It makes plenty of sense and it seems so fun.

Something that Lance and I did this year for 'our' Christmas is The Twelve Days of Christmas.  We take each day (starting the 13th and ending on Christmas Eve) and give each other a gift.  He DEFINITELY did better than I did this year.  I have been shown up for sure!  Here is what we gave so far....

First Day of Christmas:
He got: An FSU t-shirt
I got: A Bob Marley shirt

Second Day of Christmas:
He got: Earbuds
I got: Two shirts

Third Day of Christmas:
He got: Three pack of spinbrush refills
I got: Two loofahs and facewash

Fourth Day of Christmas:
He got: Four pack of boxers
I got: Three candles and scent pouch

Fifth Day of Christmas:
He got: $5 gift card to McDonald's and 5 pack of CDs
I got: Five mini hand sanitizers

Sixth Day of Christmas:
He got: $6 gift card to Subway for a 6" sandwich and six pack of Snickers
I got: Six pack of mix and match cider beer.

Seventh Day of Christmas:
He got: Cookie Bouquet with 7 cookies.
I got: Seven Ingredients to make my FAVORITE treat - Cinnamon Pecans

Eighth Day of Christmas:
He got: Eight pack of Dial Soap
I got: Four pair of socks (He also said that he'd change the bed sheets because it has 8 pieces.  Two sheets and six pillows)

Ninth Day of Christmas:
He got: Three 3 packs of gum
I got: Nine mini Reese's Christmas trees

Tenth Day of Christmas:
He got: Box of Oreo cakes (10)
I got: A pedicure for my ten toes

Eleventh Day or Christmas:
....we'll see!

Twelfth Day of Christmas:
... we'll see!

It's been really fun so far.  I've enjoyed it.  I think we'll continue this tradition and focus on the boys on Christmas morning.  I've gotten him a few things for his stocking for Christmas morning.
If I don't put it somewhere, then I'll forget all of these 'traditions' and I think these things will be fun to continue until the boys are bigger.

That's it.  Until later.

3 Years Young

My once very sweet little blonde monkey boy has turned into the stereotypical terrible two (almost three).  Not all of the time... but a lot of it.
He loves his brother - he wants to hold him and feed him - He kisses him all the time.  I don't think that his crazies stem from the appearance of Colsen.  I think it's just part of his development and he's definitely testing the mama waters.
Everything is "mine".  Daddy's dirty socks? Mine! Bailey's bone? Mine! Colsen's diapers (size 1)? Mine! Mommy's make-up brush? Mine! (Okay, maybe I HAVE let him play with it on occassion, but it most certainly MINE!) The HP Touchpad (Poor man's iPad) is most certainly his - for his games - which he's completely mastered... at two. 
He's started sticking his tongue out a lot lately and making the raspberry sound... spitting, really.  But, not hawking looogies, just making spit fly off his tongue while making that sound.  You know that sound.  It's usually followed with a "Nanny - Nanny - Boo - Boo"
He's started telling us "No, Mommy" or "No, Daddy" when we tell him to do something.  He pretends to hit us by reaching his hand back... never actually going through with it.  (I feel for his little butt the day he hits Daddy out of anger.)
He is a frequent visitor of the three minute"time-out" and he gets his butt swatted at least twice a day.
And poor Bailey.  She used to enjoy playing with him.  I'm pretty sure she looks forward to when we actually leave the house now so that her poor ears and tail get a break.  She's going to get him one day... I guess it's one of those "Living and learning/Natural consequences" things.
He's been running away from us lately, too.  But, not in public places or across the street or into parking lots.  (THANK THE STARS!!) But, more when it's bathtime-teeth brushing time-potty time-change your pullup-bedtime.... BEDTIME.  Oye.
Bedtime.  We've never ever been strict with a bedtime routine.  Up until approximately 2 weeks ago we were still laying down with Harper in order for him to fall asleep.  With the addition of new man we have decided to start weening him off of us for sleep security.  The first week was.a.nightmare.  He would get out of bed a minimum or 17 times, then cry, then scream, then make 1,000 excuses, and cry some more and eventually conk out.  Last week we started a reading ritual which has made life a ton easier.  Harper chooses 2 books and I choose 2 (quality) books.  He gets in bed and I tuck him in, then I lay next to him in bed but not under covers.  We read our books and I tell him when we get to the final book to prepare him for my departure.  By the 4th book, he's already started to doze off so the transition isn't nearly as hard for him.  I have left him awake in the bed only 3 times - all others he's passed out before I finish reading.  Those nights where he's still awake, I leave the lamp on and he has put himself to sleep.  Success! We'll continue this routine as long as possible.  I don't mind him falling asleep while I'm in there though- he's getting WAY more literature this way.
And food.  He will only eat if he tells you he's hungry.  Trying to put it down in front of him before he asks for it (diva) and it doesn't get touched.  And what is the obsession with "chicken fries"? That's Harper-speak for chicken AND fries.  They can't be THAT tasty so they're needed for every meal, can they? He had a corn dog today and I started doing a happy dance.  Don't get me wrong... he eats.  It's just not as well as he USED to eat.  His menu consists of: Chicken, fries, hot dogs, sliced turkey or ham, cheese cubes/sticks, peanut butter and jelly (jelly=baby food fruit puree - 1/2 serving of REAL fruit! - Gotta sneak it in somehow), Noodles, green peas, corn, mashed potatoes (SOMETIMES), black beans, kidney beans, lima beans, broccoli (SOMETIMES.. and they're called trees), apples, peaches, pears, pineapple, blueberries, two bites of banana, watermelon (sometimes), grapes, waffles, pancakes, rolls, poptarts, granola bars, cereal.  Milk sometimes.  Tea (Caffeine Free) and Juice (Light sugar) are his best friends... and of course anything chocolate, cookie, cake, sugar based.

Aside from the running when he's needed, and not eating when he's supposed to, and sticking his tongue out to be such a brat, and convincing himself that the world truly does revolve around him... I'd say that he's a great kid.

He says please, thank you, you're welcome, and excuse me - and a lot of times it's completely on his own.  He tells me he loves me... even when he's mad.
He gives the biggest choke-hold hugs, ever!
He helps Colsen by giving him his "night-night" (paci) and covering him when he's kicked off his blanket - and he is SO concerned when he cries.
He enjoys bathtime once we wrangle him in.
And he is still the sneakiest toddler to ever creep across the house in the middle of the night just to crawl in bed with Mommy & Daddy.

He's rotten.  He's sassy.  He's borderline bad.  He's developing appropriately.
He'll grow out of it.  It's just a season.  This, too, shall pass.





Hopefully.

It's been awhile...

If you were checking out my blog and quickly glanced over my posts, you probably wouldn't notice I've been gone an entire year.  I mean, the dates are fairly close together.  Unless you look at the last post for June was in 2011.  That's an entire year.  Whoops.  That New Year's resolution REALLY got away from me!

Here we are, the summer of 2012 at 12:30 a.m.  It's June, again.  Only this time, things are a little different.
Here's how the rest of 2011 shook down:

July - 4th of July in Brunswick, as usual.

August - Second year of Kindergarten started back up.  I was re-hired! YAY!  I turned 28... Kayley turned 21 and Kevin turned 30! Went to Ohio to visit my family.

September - Labor Day in Brunswick, again, as usual.  Music Midtown in Atlanta to see Coldplay... they are amazingly amazing - I could watch them live every month for the rest of my life.  Got pregnant.  (yeah, you read that right.)  We got pregnant at the beginning of September and found out after we returned home from the concert 3 weeks later.

October - Halloween in Brunswick (I'm noticing a pattern, here)  Baby shower for Brandin and baby Bennett (He was born on October 22nd in Savannah) Lance turned the big 30!

November - Thanksgiving, duh.  We told our parents that we were expecting another Baby Baller at our annual family Thanksgiving in Cairo.  (We have both sets of parents up the beginning of November and have traditional Thanksgiving fare so we'll have had "dinner" with each of them no matter where we end up on the actual holiday.)

December - Christmas Eve/morning in Perry with my family - Afternoon/dinner with Lance's.

New Years in Brunswick - Had our annual Christmas party the day before New Year's Eve.  That's just how it worked out this year.

And here we are in 2012.  I wrapped up my second year in Kindergarten and my fourth year teaching.  This group of kiddos also learned all of their letters in sign language and they also learned all 43 Presidents.  This year, I taught them interesting facts about each President and they had a fun time remembering them in our morning trivia games.  I was so so so useless towards the end of the school year.  I was also 30-39 weeks pregnant throughout the end of the school year, too.

Thus bringing us to the summertime... sweet, summertime.
Colsen Davis graced us with his presence on June 1.  Three days after his due date.  Which was awful making me wait like that - his brother came two weeks early!
We are slowly finding a routine as a family of four.  Harper loves his little brother.  Colsen is a great baby.  And I sit here at 12:40 a.m, when I should be sleeping, because it's my "alone time",  my "rewind time".  I'm also trying to play Susie Homemaker and catch up on the laundry - Speaking of, I think the washer just finished its cycle.

There's a new Ball in play...

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Every day happenings...

I lead a fairly uneventful life in the summer. I try not to leave the house. I have something one might say is a "shopping problem". I love to swipe the plastic. It doesn't matter what or where. I can go to Harvey's just for milk and walk out with a cart full of goodies that were "on sale" or we just needed.
So, I stay home. It gets a little dull sometimes. A little quiet, even though I have a wacky boy and a silly pup. We watch a lot of Elmo, read a bunch of books, throw the ball around, play in the water hose. All good things. But, without adult conversation, it can be taxing and boring.

Nearly every night, Harper wakes up and comes in our room. Depending on who heard him come in the room or how sleepy we are decides whether he stays or goes. Most night, he stays. I also have what some might call a "sleeping disorder" during the summer as well. When he tip-toes in around 2 or 3 am, chances are I just fell asleep. So, in order to return back to sleep I just pull him into bed with us. He usually sleeps longer anyway.

Harper and I usually get up around 9-10. Like I said, he sleeps better with us. Harper usually rolls out of bed and walks out of the bedroom closing the door behind him, all the while telling me "Bye Bye". I roll myself out of bed and follow him into the kitchen. We usually sit down and eat our breakfast. His breakfasts vary between blueberry muffins, cinnamon rolls, breakfast bars, pop tarts, cereal, fruits and he washes it down with a nice tall glass of milk. I've switched him to skim already. He wasn't fond of the whole and just wasn't drinking it - so instead of forcing it, I just get skim and he drinks it down.

Then, we go and watch Sesame Street... or just the tail end of it. By this time, he's had his morning bowels and it's time for a diaper change. He only knows he's messed when it's #2. I smell him and say "Pee-Yoo!" which he happily mocks. I ask him if he'd like a change and he takes off to his bedroom and waits for me to place him on top of his changing table.

After this, it's a combination of playing in his playroom or reading a book. Or catching Dinosaur Train. If the weather is nice, we all head outside and fill up the kiddie pool. It's really the hose that is the most fun.

We'll usually snack on a popsicle or cantaloupe/watermelon. Whichever is readily available. It's also much less cleanup to eat all of the above outdoors without a shirt on!
We come back inside and depending on little man's mood, we'll either eat lunch or take a nap. Lunch is a mixture of things. We have Uncrustables, Turkey lunchables, Peanut Butter and Honey with no crust, sliced turkey meat and a cheese stick, cheese stick and yogurt, carrots/corn/beans, and some kind of fruit. We will wash this down with a glass of Apple Juice (Sugar free or light) and mixed with a little water.

Naptime is right back in mom and dad's bed. We turn the fan on high and only sleep in a diaper and tshirt. If I let him, he'll sleep close to 3 hours!!

When he gets up from his nap we'll have a light snack - Usually raisins or craisins. (With 1/3 cup equal to a full serving of fruit!) Then, back to Elmo or reading while I start dinner. I generally have dinner ready by the time Lance gets home. After we eat, Lance and Harp head outside to play while I clean-up or finish a chore or take a shower.

It's an interesting little schedule, and I'm glad I get to do all of this fun stuff with him. I don't think I could do it everyday of my life. I enjoy the hustle and bustle of a Kindergarten classroom! He's enjoying being home too, I think. I think after the fourth we'll start taking one or two days to go to the pool in Tallahassee - It's just SO far, and I'm SO lazy! I've grown accustomed to staying in my PJ's till Harp's naptime!

*sigh*

Technology

It's amazing how little communication we have anymore. Life is constantly changing. It seems really silly to me that just ten years ago, I was using a feature on my phone that was completely foreign to half of the people in my social circle - The text. (I specifically remember sitting in one of my college religion classes playing around with my phone and sending a message to my then boyfriend, and being completely amazed that it sent!) And just seven years ago, the only way of contacting people in my group aside from a phone call was just an email - hotmail, anyone?
I am generally always lagging behind the trends or norms. Partly because I'm too poor to partake in the events, but mostly because I'm very "damn the man" about a lot of things.

1) I don't have a smart phone.
This one is a biggie, and seems so strange to many other people. Here are my rationalizations.
-I have a laptop that is paid for that gives me unlimited amounts of internet.
-I don't need to know every waking move of someone else, and unless I'm with them I usually don't care.
-Facebook notifications are just as fun when I receive them five hours later.
-Smarty phones are expensive. You have to pay for all of those extra neat features, and if I'm already paying for my cable/internet, I don't need to pay extra just to have it at my fingertips.
-Really? Why do you even need half of those apps?

2) We don't have a flat screen T.V.
-I can't tell the difference between an LCD, a 3d, a 1080 p, nothing. I walk into a store and see the screens lined up and cannot tell a difference between ANY of them.
-We only have one T.V. hooked up in our house right now, and I actually kind of like it. Forced family interaction.
-We don't watch a lot of live television with the exception of American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. Those will look the same on ANY T.V. Anything else we watch, re-runs of Law & Orders or NCIS or everything that ever comes on PBS or Disney... doesn't need a fancy screen for viewing.

3)I don't own an IPOD. It's weird, I know. I love music. I love everything about music. Lance has an MP3 player that I got him for Christmas AGES ago, so that counts I suppose.
-I would go broke buying tunes on iTunes. At .99 each, I like music too much and would spend way more than I would need to.
-What's wrong with the radio? It helps keep people's jobs. It also supplies a variety of music... some you may have never heard if you're only listening to tracks by your favorite artists.
-I like a good old fashioned c.d. as well. Sure, I'm not going to go for a jog with my skip-proof walkman, hell I don't even jog, but I will listen to it in the car while running errands. Besides, artists are still getting their share.

4) I don't have a Twitter or a Myspace. Facebook is essentially the same thing, and that's enough to handle. Besides, it holds more pictures - and we all know how much I love a good photograph.

I have this soap box about technology and all it offers. Sure it's neat, sure it makes you look cool, and sure you know a lot of stuff as soon as it happens... but, do you know what your colleague is wearing without looking? Why is that important? Well, because it makes us focus on who we're with. More human interaction forms healthier relationships.

I notice it a lot, especially around my friends who all have smarty phones. I am constantly looking at the tops of their heads. They are always engrossed in their phones. A lot of times I have to repeat what I've said because they've been too busy "checking into" places or posting what their dinner looks like And one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is repeating myself. We went to a bar this past weekend to see a friend of ours play an acoustic set and 4 out of 6 of them were updating their facebooks. It's truly an amazing sight to see - and I'm pretty sure one of them "liked" it while sitting scross the table

I don't know. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Am I too young to refer to myself as old fashioned? I am just amazed how fast technology has grown. I just wish that as much thought and effort is put into making the world faster and easier by making things happen at top speeds that there was just as much passion and focus on finding a cure for cancer or HIV. It seems like that should have happened first...